So, I did not see that coming

After months of horrifically painful headaches I finally sat down with the doctor, and after being examined he has concluded that I am stressed. He said I was showing classic stress signs which I did not even register until that day.

I am still trying to get my head around this, because for the first time in almost a year I am NOT stressed. He thinks this is my brain finally slowing down but when I am sleeping I am unable to ‘shut off’ and its causing stress headaches. I was rather shook up when he told me this and after coming home and chatting to Johnny about it I found myself getting upset. I feel like I don’t know myself as well as I believed and its made me a little bit jittery – kinda the opposite of what I SHOULD be doing really!

To be honest, I am not happy with this diagnosis. It feels like a cop out but then again I am no medical expert and after he gave me a run down of what XYZ is happening it sort of makes sense, even if I don’t like it. So I have taken on board what he has suggested and started to look at things that will help me de-stress.

He has advised me to look at what I do to relax/feel good and I said exercise, which I have recently started doing again now I have renewed my membership at my work gym. Johnny has put together a small training programme for me and I have been heading there most evenings after work. I have also joined the work ‘walking group’ on a Thursday afternoon to help me get a little bit of cardio in with my weight lifting as well as socialise with people from my office. Tonight I heard back from a yoga instructor about Monday evening classes and some good friends of mine have suggested Aerial and BJJ classes.

So I am in pretty good hands for things to keep me occupied. And now I am on a course of painkillers to mask the daily ache the moment I open my eyes. I truly hate taking pills to ‘hide’ things and prefer to fix the issue but I understand this has no overnight cure and will need to be done gradually.

Part of me wants to believe all this is the remedy and that in 6 months time not only will I be sound of mind and headachless but I will also be back to my size 10 figure and back to feeling confident. Unfortunately I am also realistic in my assumptions that I will go through a load of trial and error stages before I can make progress and its that part I am honestly dreading. I don’t fear the hard work, I fear the possibility of failure.

I am going to have to work extremely hard NOT to approach this with a negative angle, as I so desperately want to, which is horribly defeatist of me and will get me nowhere. Bu I know I can do it just got to knock my pan in to do so. Probably why I need the pills, hurr hurr.

Onwards and upwards and no more sair heids please!

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